Regardless of your stance on the oft-disputed health effects of smoking pipe tobacco, I think few would disagree with me when I say it’s a really fun hobby/pass-time to indulge in. It’s hard to put into words, but there’s a unique “coolness” you feel smoking your favorite pipe on the back porch after a good meal. It’s a coolness seeping with Old World tradition. Indeed, the tobacco pipe has become iconic around the world, instantly evoking feelings of class and sophistication. As such, it’s hard to imagine that any worldly gentleman could go his entire life without, in the midst of a glorious celebration, feeling obliged to smoke a pipe alongside his esteemed colleagues. And when that time comes, there are a few basic things you will need to know to pass yourself off as the pipe-smoking, tobacco aficionado you most certainly are not.
So, without further ado, I present the basics of smoking a tobacco pipe:
Pack the Bowl
Learning how to pack a bowl is a lot like unhooking a woman’s bra—you might be able to get away with not doing it yourself the first few times, but eventually you’re inability to do so will raise suspicions regarding your manliness. Luckily for you, both of these skills are easily learned and become almost second-nature with ample practice. You should always pack your bowl in three layers, packing each successive layer tighter than the last. Begin by loosely filling the entire bowl until it is slightly overfull, then press very lightly with your finger until the bowl appears half-full. Loosely fill the bowl to the same again and press until it appears 3/4 full. Finally, loosely fill the remainder of the bowl and firmly press to finish. Congrats, you’ve just successfully loaded your first tobacco pipe. Let’s celebrate by smoking it.
Test the Draw
Suck on your pipe (no homo). Their should be decent airflow, but a resistance similar to sipping a drink through a straw. You may need to repack your bowl if the draw isn’t right, and trust me, you’re going to want the draw to be right in a few seconds.
Light the Pipe
This step can be deceptively tricky. You should light your pipe using a slow, circular motion as you take gentle draws from the mouthpiece. Once the bowl is evenly lit, take a few drags and proceed to “tamp” the surface of the tobacco with your pipe tool. This will likely put your “false light” out, and prepare for the actual lighting which should last you the duration of the bowl. Re-light your pipe just as before, being sure your bowl is lit evenly before putting away your matches.
Smoke Slowly
Think of smoking a pipe as a marathon, not a sprint. Those who smoke too fast are likely to experience a burning sensation on your tongue. This is known by pipe smokers as “tongue bite,” and it is certain to put a damper on your smoking experience.
Finally, this should go without saying, but (just like a cigar) you should never inhale pipe tobacco smoke. Because of its strength, you are likely to fail miserably and look like an idiot in the process.
